Illusions

How did I form so many illusions in my thought process? Was I conditioned by society? Or did I learn it from my parents? Maybe both? Life seems so mundane and boring to me. I feel like a robot stuck in a time warp. I get up every day and go through the same boring routine and nothing is fun. I see the same people, have the same kind of uninteresting and superficial conversations, and go to bed.

What happened to all of my dreams of jumping out of airplanes, traveling to far away lands, or meeting a stranger whom I feel deeply connected with and have one night of wild, passionate sex? Is this all there is to life? Just going through the motions with no excitement or thrills?

Maybe I'll shave my head and become a Buddhist nun?

My Life Is Temporary

Sometimes I wonder what all of the fuss is about in regards to "life". So many people (me included) WORRY about useless stuff! Things such as making more money, having more gadgets, being skinny, being beautiful, being intelligent, being a better parent or spouse, etc, etc. But in the end, we're all going to die. Our grandparents, parents, partners, children and friends are not going to exist some day. I will not exist some day. Every little thought, feeling or experience will vanish and be gone. All of the "issues" in my life which were such a struggle will not matter. So what is the point? If I'm only here temporarily, why do I care about anything? What keeps me going day after day? That dangling carrot which promises to fulfill me with peace and contentment? It almost all seems pointless knowing that some day I will be DEAD.