Daily OM

As earthbound beings, humans have always had a fascination with winged creatures of all kinds. The idea of being able to spontaneously lift off from the earth and fly is so compelling to us that we invented airplanes and helicopters and myriad other flying machines in order to provide ourselves with the many gifts of being airborne. Flying high in the sky, we look down on the earth that is our home and see things from an entirely different perspective. We can see more, and we can see farther than we can when we're on the ground. As if all this weren't enough, the out-of-this-world feeling of freedom that comes with groundlessness inspires us to want to take flight again and again. Metaphorically, we take flight whenever we break free of the gravity that holds us to a particular way of thinking or feeling or being. We take flight mentally when we rise above our habitual ways of thinking about things and experience new insights. This is what it means to open our minds. Emotionally, we take flight when the strength of our passion exceeds the strength of our blockages; the floodgates open and we are free to feel fully. Spiritually we take flight when we locate that part of ourselves that is beyond the constraint of linear time and the world of form. It is in this place that we experience the essential boundlessness that defines the experience of flight. Taking flight is always about freeing ourselves from form, if only temporarily. When we literally fly, in a plane or on a hang glider, we free ourselves from the strength of gravity's pull. As we open our minds and our hearts, we free ourselves from habitual patterns of thought and emotional blockages. As we remember our true nature, we free ourselves from identification with the temporary state of our physical forms. The more we stretch our wings, the clearer it becomes that taking flight is a state of grace that simply reminds us of who we really are.

~Daily OM site

No More Walls

"Being intimate means exposing and sharing the secrets of our hearts, mind and souls with another fragile and imperfect human being. Intimacy requires that we allow another person to discover what moves us, what inspires us, what drives us, what eats at us, what we are running toward, what we are running from, what silent self destructive enemies lie within us, and what wild and wonderful dreams we hold in our hearts..."

"Only by sharing our "story" with another will we ever feel uniquely known. Otherwise, we can pass through this life and on to the next without anyone ever really knowing us. Imagine that! Imagine living your whole life and never being really known by anybody..."

~Matthew Kelly

The Numbness Continues to Fade

I was driving in my car the other day and caught myself doing something which I hadn't done in years... I was SINGING! Not just quietly to myself like I used to, but out loud so the people in the cars beside me could hear! I never realized that I had given up or stopped doing something so simple yet also important in life. A simple act which brings about much joy and happiness!

Another realization which has occurred to me recently is the fact that I have never fully dealt with the death of Johnny. I think I was in shock and suffered from a mild case of post traumatic syndrome for quite a while. And with all of the other stressful events which took place following his death, I believe the pain got swept under the rug along with all of the other shit. Thinking back on it, it was immediately after his death that I stopped being Melissa and stopped truly living. Was it fear of life? Fear of death? Did I feel a sense of guilt that my life was continuing on? I think all of the above.

I remember saying a few months ago that I felt like when he died, I laid down in that deep dark hole in the ground with him. It has taken me years to climb through the dirt and dig my way up to the light where the beautiful flowers and trees are blooming. Where the bright yellow sun is shining upon my face. The birds are singing! And now I have accepted that he is gone, life goes on and I had better start living and enjoying mine. That is exactly what I intend to do!

This morning I felt like crying. Not from tears of pain but tears of joy! I felt like I was free from that cage that I either put myself in or allowed myself to be put in. I realized how I quit being the true positive, adventurous, care free, independent and confident Melissa. I suppose I could sit and think about or analyze the how or why this all occurred, but I'm not going to. All I'm concerned with is right now (and a little bit about the future...). I feel like my possibilities are wide open! I also believe that I have a very bright and happy future ahead of me. It's almost as if I'm 19 again and I've chosen a different path to follow. One that only makes ME happy! So I'm a little late but at least I've figured this all out now while I still have a little life left. ;)

I Found ME

"It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are."

E. E. Cummings

The New Chapter Begins

This might be the end of my blog! Since I've searched down all of those paths and climbed up a mountain, I feel like all of my struggles and negativity have been lifted off of my shoulders! I feel as though I'm floating on a cloud. What a difference a day can make! I don't think I have felt this at peace in 8 or more years. I almost don't feel like the need to write... I don't have anything to worry or complain about. I feel so fortunate for everything and everyone in my life. I'm proud of what I have accomplished and for facing my fear. I know now that anything is possible. I can achieve anything if I truly desire it. Right now I think I shall focus on relaxing and having some fun for a while! I deserve it!

Prediction

A positive change in my life is going to happen this week!

Unconditional Love

I Am

I am free,

like an angel,

and take on many forms
I laugh and I listen

I am never far away

I am never gone at all
I am a friend,

a good book,

or a pink and golden sunset
I am a mothers touch

and a fathers helping hand
You know me

because I am you
You are me

through and through
I am unconditional love

and you

are too!

-John T. Goltz © 1996

No Recognition

I saw you today. And it was almost like looking at a person in which I recognized but couldn't place where I had seen you before. I knew who you were by face and name, but didn't know your soul. I never knew your inner most feelings or thoughts. Never knew the true authentic YOU. It was always guarded just as much as I guarded myself. How we stayed together for so long, I really haven't a clue. Fear of being alone maybe? Laziness?
I saw you. And I know you saw me. I was going to be adult-like and at least say, "hello!" but you chose not to see the real me.

The Quest Continues

Since I decided to abandon my little lifeboat, my world has been a much happier one. I've remained on my island and sailed on the shiny new sail boat a few times. I have found that this particular sail boat provides so much comfort, fun and adventure. I believe if I continue to go sailing on this new boat, it will lead me to many different islands. As much as I enjoy being alone on my current island, it gets to be pretty lonely. I find myself wishing I could build a dock which would allow me to live on the sailboat full-time. The problem is there are no tools on my island which will help me build this dock. At some point in the future, I will have to make yet another decision.

Which will I choose this time?

LIMBO

It will be interesting to see where I am in my life six months from now. Who will be in it, what friends I will still be in touch with, where I will be working, how I will be feeling, etc. I'm living in "no man's land" right now. Nothing is for sure. It's almost as if most aspects of my life are floating in the air and I'm trying to grab onto something to feel that sense of security. Or that feeling of being content. I don't really have a clue what direction my life is heading. Quite a difference compared to my life 6 or 7 months ago. My world has been shaken like a snow globe and I'm patiently waiting for all of the little pieces of snow to fall in their place. I know they will some day, in time... At least I no longer have that feeling of SEARCHING for something. I've found what was missing. Actually, I've found a lot of things which were absent in my life. I do feel more at peace and in harmony. I know everything will work out for the best. I'm just curious to see what all of that entails. I suppose all of our lives are a mystery. No one knows what will happen. We are offered many different paths or opportunities and it's ultimately our decision as to which we choose. And I'm finding that that choice can only be made based on where you are in that very moment in time. Not according to what happened in the past or what you think will happen in the future. But right now! This very second called LIFE.

Still climbing the stairs to the UNKNOWN