Not all friendships turn out to be really rewarding, but if you end up in a stinker, it's because you've compromised what is really important to you. You cannot be there for anyone else if you are not first true to yourself.

I was thinking this morning while I was driving into work about what I read (and posted on this blog) yesterday. It is so true! I make my own life hell when I try to go against my reality. Instead of accepting my life for how it is right now or today, I try to figure out how and when things will happen and thus cause me a great deal of stress.

I began thinking about all that I have in my life: My intelligent and loving children, my supportive and loving parents, a sweet and loving grandma, a sweet and loving significant other, and many fun loving and caring women whom I work with. I felt very fortunate to have all these people (and those which I didn't mention) in my life who truly care about me. I suddenly didn't feel alone or worried about what will happen in my life because I have everything I need. Lots and lots of love! And just as I had this moment and clarity of appreciation, I looked up at the car in front of me. There was a bumper sticker that said, "Love Wins". It was one of those unique moments that made me smile and say to the universe, "Thank you"!

Letting The Curves Take You

Control

Trying to maintain control in this life is a bit like trying to maintain control on a roller coaster. The ride has its own logic and is going to go its own way, regardless of how tightly you grip the bar. There is a thrill and a power in simply surrendering to the ride and fully feeling the ups and downs of it, letting the curves take you rather than fighting them. When you fight the ride, resisting what’s happening at every turn, your whole being becomes tense and anxiety is your close companion. When you go with the ride, accepting what you cannot control, freedom and joy will inevitably arise.

As with so many seemingly simple things in life, it is not always easy to let go, even of the things we know we can’t control. Most of us feel a great discomfort with the givens of this life, one of which is the fact that much of the time we have no control over what happens. Sometimes this awareness comes only when we have a stark encounter with this fact, and all our attempts to be in control are revealed to be unnecessary burdens. We can also cultivate this awareness in ourselves gently, by simply making surrender a daily practice. At the end of our meditation, we might bow, saying, “I surrender to this life.” This simple mantra can be repeated as necessary throughout the day, when we find ourselves metaphorically gripping the safety bar.

We can give in to our fear and anxiety, or we can surrender to this great mystery with courage. When we see people on a roller coaster, we see that there are those with their faces tight with fear and then there are those that smile broadly, with their hands in the air, carried through the ride on a wave of freedom and joy. This powerful image reminds us that often the only control we have is choosing how we are going to respond to the ride.

Psych 201

It's a known fact that people give and receive love differently. If they are not receiving it the way they need, then they start feeling unloved, uncherished, not appreciated or special. In most instances, the person who feels neglected will withdrawn (not talk), complain (as a way to express what they want) or simply give up. The biggest breakdown in relationships is a lack of communicating those needs. If a couple wants to remain close, in love and together it is imperative that they find out how their lover best receives love and find ways to fulfill those needs.

Some people are auditory- they like to HEAR things. They interpret the world or perceive their lives by listening and hearing. They are very moved by music, sounds of nature and hearing their significant other say affectionate, loving things. Others are visual. They enjoy reading, writing or seeing new things. It makes their world more real or tangible if they can see it with their own two eyes. Yet there are others who are kinetic- of or relating to the motion of material bodies and the forces and energy associated therewith. They are action oriented. They like doing tasks or activities with their significant other. A simple trip to the grocery store picking out a vegetable provides them with the support and security they need to feel as if their relationship is in top notch shape!

Relationships are by no means easy. People are very different due to their personalities and/or opinions. There are many factors to take into consideration in making a relationship work. Is the couple committed? Do they have similar goals in life? What values do they share? Did they have a married couple as their role model growing up or did they come from a divorced home? Do they enjoy similar hobbies? Are they willing to give to their significant other in the way that they need to feel loved?

As people get older, of course their perspective on life changes. They start looking further into the future and evaluate what they have in their life NOW. They start to question their own mortality. They ask questions such as, "Do I want to travel the world alone?" "Do I want to share what life have left with another?" "Is the person in my life right now the one I trust to make medical decisions about my health once I can no longer make those decisions myself?" "Do I want to quite possibly make funeral arrangements for this person?" "Can I laugh and enjoy the rest of my life with this person?"

If you believe you have found the partner you want to grow old with, it is wise to learn how to give love in the way that they need. The effort will be very rewarding to you in the end.

For more information on giving love, please contact Dr. MD Huston.

What is Love to You?

Love is
not an excuse to stop growing
not an excuse to stop making yourself better
not an excuse to lessen one's goals
not an excuse to take the other person for granted.

Love is
being completely honest with each other
finding dreams to share
working towards common goals
sharing responsibilities equally.

Everyone in the wold wants to love
Love is not a feeling to be taken lightly
Love is a feeling to be cherished
nurtured and cared for
Love is the reason for life!

~Susan Polis Schultz

Where does it go?

I thought I saw you dancing but it was only the leaves in the wind.

I thought I heard you laughing but it was only the waves of the sea.

I thought I felt you touch me but it was only a moonlit dream...

...but I know I felt you in my heart because I miss you very much.

Traveling Alone

The road to fulfillment is navigated by the heart.

It's taken by those who are willing to explore their options,

pursue their dreams,

and travel with winners.

The road to fulfillment is designed to lead you where you

were most meant to be.

Found Her

Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you- all of the expectations, all of the beliefs and becoming who you are...

~Rachel Naomi Remen