My Lion (Leo)

Still in Love with my Soulmate

The Jupiter (Sagittarius) woman is an incurable idealist. And here's a secret perhaps she never told you: She fell in love with you many years ago, when she was a little girl and wished on the new Moon for someone to share her honest heart. There were lots of times when she thought she had found you and was disappointed. But when you finally came along, she knew you right away, because you were a gentle clown with a dream or two of your own who took her hand and showed her the way to the stars.

My Life is a Teaser

No More Covers

I feel like I'm 16 years old and I just got my driver's license!

And... my dad just bought me a brand new car but I'm not allowed to drive it. It sits covered up in the garage. Occasionally, I'll take the nice silky, blue cover off and sit in the driver's seat. I imagine driving along a beach or through the mountains. I get so lost in my thoughts I almost sense it's already happened. But then I come back to reality and realize that I'm not in the mountains driving this brand new car. So I get out and put the cover back on hoping that the next time I sit in this marvelous piece of machinery, it's the actual real experience.

But I've had this wish, hope or prayer so many times that I start thinking to myself, "Who needs this brand new car?" "Why am I waiting on an experience that might not ever happen?"

Self Discovery

Letting My Sweet Child Out

I realized something about myself recently. I am still behaving in a way that "protects" my inner child. I put this wall up around myself any time I disagree with others, feel threatened, feel unloved or noticed. It has been so easy to psycho analyze myself all of these years. I know why I act the way I do. I just can't stop the old patterns of behavior.

Growing up with a bi polar, selfish older brother taught me to constantly be on guard. I learned real quick that I had to be a tough little cookie and never let him see how his critical, hateful words deeply wounded me. I still to this day hold on to that anger which was caused from never being able to get back or even with him. No matter how hard I tried to hit him back he would hit me even harder. It didn't matter how loud I yelled at him asking him to stop putting the pillow over my head; he never heard the fear in my voice. In fact, I believe my fighting back only gave him pleasure. If I tried to be sweet, nice and accommodating he would only take advantage of it and never show appreciation.

It's interesting to me to see how a sibling's behavior has shaped how I react to men. We hear all of the time about how a parent's negative behaviors can effect a child, but we rarely hear much about our siblings. I learned from such a young age that "men can't be trusted", "never let your guard down", "walk on egg shells" to please them simply by living with a screwed up brother.

I'm ready to let all of that go. I want to let that sweet little girl way deep down inside me out so she can feel the love that she deserves. I want her to not be afraid and realize that she is worthy of love. I want her to have a chance to enjoy being with a trustworthy man who is nothing but sweet, fun and loving. I think allowing this little wounded girl out is the key in helping my adult self let go of these negative thoughts and behaviors I have held on to for so many years. It's time for her to feel the sunshine on her face, smell the flowers and forgive her brother.