Peeking Out of the Vessel

I caught a glimpse of this very stunning woman today. She simply radiated with intelligence, confidence and inner beauty. She didn't seem to have a care in the world in that moment. The smile on her face appeared to indicate she harbored some kind of peace inside her soul. She vanished as quickly as she appeared almost like an apparition. I hope to see her again tomorrow...

Madness

...in one way or another all men are mad. Many are mad for money...Love is a madness...it can grow to a frenzy of despair... All the whole list of desires, predilections, aversions, ambitions, passions, cares, griefs, regrets, remorses, are incipience madness, and ready to grow, spread and consume, when the occasion comes. There are no healthy minds, and nothing saves any man but accident-- the accident of not having his malady put to the supreme test. One of the commonest forms of madness is the desire to be noticed, the pleasure derived from being noticed. Perhaps it is not merely common, but universal.

~ "The Memorable Assassination", Mark Twain

My "At Least" List

At least I'm alive.

At least I'm healthy.

At least my kids are healthy.

At least I have a new best friend.

At least I'm striving towards happiness.

At least I have someone in my life who cares about ME.

At least I finally have a special and unique person to share my thoughts with.

At least I am thinking about the "at least's" in my life!

Something Very Strange is Happening

I have a SMILE on my face!

"Start Where You Are"

• Whether it is glorious or wretched, delightful or hateful, be patient. Patience means allowing things to unfold at their own speed rather than jumping in with your habitual response to either pain or pleasure.
• Gloriousness and wretchedness need each other. One inspires us, the other softens us. They go together.
• If we really want to communicate, we have to give up knowing what to do. When we come in with our agendas, they only block us from seeing the person in front of us. It's best to drop the five-year plans and accept the awkward sinking feeling that we are entering a situation naked. We don't know what will happen next or what we'll do.

~Pema Chodron

My Innovation

Isn't it really cool how out of no where your thoughts and feelings are in harmony and when they are expressed to someone who cares, it is as though someone else is speaking the words? It's almost as though some power or other self within you is released and all truths are seen. I expressed some truths this morning and ironically found something similar written in my horoscope later in the day...

The light bulb of innovation clicks on for you, brightening your outlook and helping you see your path more clearly. Don't be surprised if it leads you to another country!


I don't know about another country, but definitely another state.

Took a Chance

Do you know why you're so special to me? I think it's because you're the only one in a long time who ever took the time and cared enough to know what was going on inside of me. I don't give of myself very much, I know, but when I do, I do it with love directed towards the ones I know I can trust, and who know they can trust me. I don't know why it's so hard to open up to another, but it is. And when you lay your innermost feelings on the line, you need to know that the person on the other side is really a friend. You are such a precious friend to me. Without you, I'm not really sure what I would do at this point in my life; I only know that I reached out to the right person... when I reached out to you.

The Quest

Long ago when I was very young, I found a small lifeboat. I loved this little lifeboat. It wasn't extraordinary or extravagant. It simply provided what I needed at the time which was an escape from the land I was from.
I decided to take this lifeboat on a very long journey out to the middle of the sea. We weathered many storms and spent many moonlit nights together. We had come so far on our journey I couldn't imagine ever parting from my lifeboat. As time wore on however, I began to grow restless. The little lifeboat no longer provided me the freedom, as well as, security that I once cherished. It, itself, had become worn and started to fall apart. It was time to pause our journey and find some land.
We came upon a desolate island. It was filled with beautiful flowers and towering trees. There were many different rocks scattered all along its shore. I was so excited to explore this island but at the same time, very fearful of leaving my little lifeboat behind. Each day I would venture out and play on the island enjoying myself immensely. But every night I would return to the safety of my familiar boat.
One day, I walked for hours until I reached the other side of the island. There, sitting before me was a brand new sail boat! It was so shiny and lustrous. It looked very comfortable, durable and inviting. I so much wanted to climb aboard and set forth on a new journey. I was so torn between the decisions I faced. Did I leave my loyal little lifeboat and succumb to the temptation of this new sail boat? Should I remain on this beautiful, isolated island and make it my new home? Or was it wise to try and repair my old lifeboat and return to the land I was from? All of my choices had both positive and negative outcomes.

So which did I choose?

A Different Spin?

I wonder what would happen if I changed my thinking to spin all of my thoughts in a positive manner? Instead of worrying or obsessing on things that have already happened or have not happened yet, remaining present with each moment. It would take a lot of mental focus to stop all of these thoughts. But I'm starting to believe it would be better for my sanity. It's so hard to continually repress my feelings. And why should I? Because I label them as bad or not right? Because maybe somewhere in my past someone was critical of me? What if I told myself, "these are my feelings and it's ok!" These feelings (good or bad) are a part of me. So in denying them, I am essentially denying myself. I am keeping myself inside my concrete wall. What if for once, I started being on my own team? I could be the coach, the talented athlete and the cheerleader! It would be mental and emotional harmony. If I could allow myself to have the feeling, acknowledge it as "thinking" and let it go, my life would be a lot less stressful.

Letting go of my past and seeing my future

Just One Kiss

I was pondering the thought of how powerful just one kiss can be. It can open or shut many doors. With just one kiss, one can communicate so many things. It can represent a simple "hello", "I'm sorry", "I missed you", "goodbye" or "I want more". If we are lucky, we get to kiss people every day. Without words one can say, "good morning", "good night" or "have a nice day". But I'm thinking about those out of the ordinary special kisses which change your life forever. For instance, kissing my children for the very first time when they were born. Or kissing my nine year old nephew goodbye forever while he laid dead in his casket. And then there's that one special kiss shared with a unique person which said, "This is who I am. Open up to me and feel my passion. Let's see where it takes us!"

I never really realized how powerful those kisses were until they became a faded memory. I wish I could go back in time and really appreciate those moments. I wish I could kiss more people every day and communicate to the world what I am truly feeling.... but I can't.

The Dash on Our Tombstone

http://www.thedashmovie.com/

Remaining Mindful

We are what we think.

All that we are arises with our thoughts.

With our thoughts we make the world....

It is good to control them,

And to master them brings happiness.

But how subtle they are,

How elusive!

The task is to quieten them,

And by ruling them to find happiness.


~Buddha

Phases

How many phases must I go through before I find the one that fits? I'm so tired of having this feeling that I'm leading somebody else's life. Why can't I just be? Is it my thinking? Too many negative thoughts? Resisting my reality? I definitely know I think and analyze way too much, but that still doesn't dismiss the deep rooted feeling in my gut that something isn't "right". Maybe I'm simply a lost soul with no home and I'll never find my way?

Maybe...

Sometimes I imagine climbing a very tall mountain and once I reach the top, climbing down the other side only to find yet another mountain. I feel I could walk and walk for days climbing every hill and roaming about aimlessly searching for that missing something to fill my soul. I would shed my current identity as a snake sheds its skin. Every person and experience from my past would become a faded memory. I would no longer assume the roles as wife, mother or daughter nor the responsibilities attached to them. I would be as free as an eagle taking flight, soaring with the wind over the top of the trees. I would revel in the solitude and the fact that I was no one. Just a being.

A Pathway to My Soul

Mike,
Do you think you could write a poem about her for me?

Isn't She Lovely?