Becoming an Observer

I am truly astonished! I can't believe I was in such denial for so many years about my unhappiness. It's funny really! The usual tendency for people in general are to place blame outside themselves when things aren't right... I on the other hand, placed the blame and responsibility on myself. Why was I so afraid to admit the truth? Because I knew it would be the end of something I had known for so long? It's obvious my soul knew what wasn't right, but my mind wouldn't accept the truth. That missing link I felt for so long wasn't something broken inside me. It was an emotional hole in my heart and soul. A hunger for love and acceptance. That attention I didn't receive from my dad as a young girl which I so much desired. I simply wanted to be noticed for ME not for what I did. I performed and accomplished things to perfection to gain approval and some kind of love. I carried this behavior on into my young adult life and marriage not realizing how damaging and pointless it was. I guess my heart, soul and mind finally had enough of trying to fill that void. Or maybe something "outside of myself " gave me that little push or woke me up? Whatever happened, whatever the reason, I am fully awake in my life. I am ready to start over and try something new. I'm very excited about it. I feel very positive! I can feel the hope and dreams coming alive once again! My happiness, peace and contentment are all within my reach.