Do Things Happen For a Reason?

Lately, I have been pondering this whole concept of "things happening for a reason". If I look back on my life and the important events which have occurred, I would say that they have happened very coincidentally. They do all seem to happen in a certain sequence which fits some kind of puzzle. Have they been easy? I would have to say, no. The life changing and altering experiences which have truly shaped my life forever have not been easy. I am finding as I get older, PATIENCE is key. It's simply Life or God's timing in everything. I do believe it was divine intervention when Johnny died. I also believe it was divine intervention in meeting my soon to be ex-husband. If the two hadn't occurred during my lifetime when they did, then I really believe I would never had had my two beautiful and intelligent children.

Another life altering experience which occurred recently was meeting what I believe to be my "soul mate". I wasn't looking for him. I don't believe he was looking for me at the time. But it happened and we are now a part of each others' lives. However, there has been an inconvenient twist put on this piece of the puzzle. The circumstances are not quite "easy" or favorable. Sometimes I think it is too difficult or complicated and I really fear the future. Other times I believe we will be together and live happily ever after. I guess what keeps me holding on is having hope and faith that I did meet him for a reason. That God wants us in each others' lives for some kind of purpose. Maybe it's temporary? Maybe it's for the rest of our lives? All I can do is be PATIENT and continue to give my love to this unique and special person and be thankful for the experiences which I share with him right NOW!

Fresh Start

I had forgotten how wonderful it feels to be happy! I lived for so long being unfulfilled, lonely, confused, unhappy and consumed with anger. I just thought that was how life was. I'm still dumbfounded at how I lived in denial for so long. How could I not see what the source of my unhappiness was? I know I didn't feel alive, special or loved for who I was for many years. I put it all off on myself thinking I was an unlovable or uninteresting person. Never even thinking twice that maybe it wasn't a good match or it could quite possibly be their distorted thinking and view on life. I guess it goes to show you how easily swayed or even brain washed one can become. I've almost made it to the end of the tunnel. It was painful and scary, but I persevered. The short, tumultuous journey was worth it. I've not felt this positive, confident, content and at peace for almost 15 years. "AAAAHHHH!" (Long ssiigghh!!!). :)

The Last Path

The Big Picture

I am going to start envisioning myself lying in a casket. Maybe then, I will start to look outside the box of every day "stresses" and truly see the big picture!? I mean, what is important to me? Knowing that one day (maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow, maybe 30 years or more from now if I should be so lucky) I will be dead. Non-existent! No more Melissa. What is important to me right now is that I am a good mother. That I am able to teach my children how to be responsible, confident and happy people. That I am able to give love to someone who wants it from me and only me. That I find someone who wants to give love back to me and only me. It is important to me to try new things and have new experiences. I want to see as much of this beautiful earth as I can. I want to feel the wind on my face while I stand on top of a mountain. I want to feel the sun on my face while I'm on a boat in the middle of a lake or quite possibly an ocean. I want to hear the birds chirp and sing while I roam about with my lover in a forest. I want to walk a warm, sandy beach for hours with a friend in silence. I want to BE ME with someone who won't judge or criticize me but accept ME for who I am, what I think, what I feel and what I do. I want to enjoy this life! Each moment because it could be my last...

I'm the Captain

I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.

~Abigail Adams

Reflection

Patience does pay off! Everything which I've desired- peace, contentment, finding myself and being treated how I want to be treated have all transpired in my life over the last few months. Was it a higher power which brought so many good things into my life? Was it a matter of waking up and taking charge of my own life and making the right choices which would give me what I needed? I'm definitely in harmony! What I think, feel, say and do are all lining up. The dots are connecting. I remember asking myself several times, "why can't I find my happiness?", "why are the dots not connecting?" and "when will I have peace in my life?" Whatever the reasons, I'm very thankful for everything and everyone in my life. I feel so fortunate and blessed.

I think I knew deep down in my soul (and in the back of my mind) for many years what wasn't right and what needed to not be a part of my every day life. But I guess I felt like I was responsible for every one's happiness. Never putting my own happiness first. I even wrote once that I feared of leaving "those I loved" behind if I were ever to spread my wings and fly. Guess I finally let go of that fear! And life is still continuing on and working out for the best. Fear... what a waste of energy and life. It holds so many people back from reaching their full potential and happiness. It kept me in a cage for years! No more "what ifs" in my life. All I have is right NOW.

One Step at a Time

Baby steps toward
adjustment can sometimes be as significant
as giant steps. The important thing
is to keep moving forward!

Change

Like those in the past who imagined a world beyond the confines of that in which they lived, we have to be willing to leave the shores of the old world, even though the new land might not be fully in sight. We have to be willing to let go the need for a rational, linear plan. We are moving into new dimensions of ourselves, new dimensions of our world, which we have not yet explored. The launching pad is not reason and logic but intuition, the creative dreamer and visionary within us. The philosopher Henri Bergson said, "The essence of reality is change and it cannot be known by reason." It can be known only by intuition.