Changes

Ancient wisdom holds that the only thing that's certain in life is change. And certainly not all change is welcome or pleasant. But if we can learn to rise above the "flood water", or at least tread water until the flood recedes, then we can create new goals, make new choices, and get the most out of life!

relax

Encouragement

You've almost made it through the hardest part. Hold on just a little longer. The peace and contentment you've searched for and desired for so long is just within your reach. Have patience and keep swimming up stream or through that seaweed. I can see the calm waters ahead which includes a beautiful, warm sunset. Don't give up. Try not to get down. And when you do, remember that it will pass and you are VERY strong. I know you are overwhelmed and hurting but it is almost over. Stay present!

Practicing Patience

"What I desire is on its way. It will arrive precisely on God's timetable, not on mine. Everything that I'm experiencing now is disguised as a problem, but I know that it's a blessing. What I desire is on its way, and it's coming to me in amounts even greater that I can imagine. This is my vision, and I'll hold on to it in a state of gratitude, no matter what."

~Wayne Dyer

Expectations

Honesty
Loyalty
Respect
Communication
Sharing
Fun
Laughter
Unconditional Love
Acceptance
Romance
Passion
Friendship

Becoming an Observer

I am truly astonished! I can't believe I was in such denial for so many years about my unhappiness. It's funny really! The usual tendency for people in general are to place blame outside themselves when things aren't right... I on the other hand, placed the blame and responsibility on myself. Why was I so afraid to admit the truth? Because I knew it would be the end of something I had known for so long? It's obvious my soul knew what wasn't right, but my mind wouldn't accept the truth. That missing link I felt for so long wasn't something broken inside me. It was an emotional hole in my heart and soul. A hunger for love and acceptance. That attention I didn't receive from my dad as a young girl which I so much desired. I simply wanted to be noticed for ME not for what I did. I performed and accomplished things to perfection to gain approval and some kind of love. I carried this behavior on into my young adult life and marriage not realizing how damaging and pointless it was. I guess my heart, soul and mind finally had enough of trying to fill that void. Or maybe something "outside of myself " gave me that little push or woke me up? Whatever happened, whatever the reason, I am fully awake in my life. I am ready to start over and try something new. I'm very excited about it. I feel very positive! I can feel the hope and dreams coming alive once again! My happiness, peace and contentment are all within my reach.

Love Will Take Me Higher

"I AM" Returns

It feels so good to finally be back in touch with my true being. She never went away! She only hid to please other people. A way to gain approval or love in some dysfunctional way. Looking back, I can see how this wasn't the wisest decision, but at least I've I learned from the experience and know that I will never give up being who I am to please anyone ever again. I like who I am! I have many positive qualities. Maybe those positive qualities made other people feel inferior? Who knows what their motives were or if it was even intentional. I like to think it wasn't. But really, it doesn't matter anymore. I've been there and done that. I'm so excited to embark on a new journey with my soulmate. A person who understands the real me and embraces who I am. So many promises which I believe will come true. So much hope and faith in that respect, genuine caring, acceptance and love will never die!

Happy Little Zinnias

STRENGTH

The journey of life takes us through many times of happiness and sadness. We remember the happy times as the most loved and enriching experiences of all. Although the sad times do not outwardly appear to benefit us, they are, in reality, what builds strength and character in all of us.

~Scott Palmer

There are times in every life when we feel hurt or alone... But I believe that these times when we feel lost and all around us seems to be falling apart are really bridges of growth. We struggle and try to recapture the security of what was, but almost in spite of ourselves, we emerge on the other side with a new understanding, a new awareness, a new strength. It is almost as though we must go through the pain and the struggle in order to grow and reach new heights.

~Sue Mitchell

My Johnny Angel

January 22nd! How fast time goes by... And "they" are right. Time heals all wounds. It has been 8 years since I saw him last. It seems like just yesterday. Seeing his beautiful brown eyes and that sweet and playful grin. The cute little freckles on his cheek. I can still hear him calling me to push him on the swing or pull him on the sled. He had such a positive spirit! Nothing seemed to get him down. I really looked up to him and loved him with all of my heart. Although I do still miss him, the ache in my heart as lessened. I suppose I have accepted that he is gone and let him go.

Having Faith

Describing our Love

Lying on a soft beach feeling the warm sun against my skin while gazing out into the deep, blue horizon feeling nothing but pure calmness and wonder. No thoughts or worries. Just lost in the moment of nature's beauty.

Walking farther into the dark, green & deep woods surrounded by the calming sounds of the leaves and the wind. No destination. Just being one with nature.

Sitting in a boat in the middle of a lake watching the reflection of the stars and moon while listening to the music played out by the frogs and crickets. No sadness or pain. Just relaxing with the gentle rock caused by the tiny ripples in the water.

Digging the fresh, cool dirt up with my hands simply to plant a tiny, little seed and then each day, water and care for it as it slowly sprouts and grows over time until it blossoms into a bright orange zinnia. Standing on its own among the weeds, demanding nothing but appreciation. No strings or sticks holding it up. Just the occasional rain and lots of sunshine to keep it alive and strong.

Choices

I had a dream that I went for a run, however, I had this feeling that I was running away from someone or something. The path ended at an enormous lake in which I must swim across in order to escape whatever I was fleeing. I did not dive in head first as I am accustomed to doing because there was very thick and tangled seaweed which stretched out at least 10 feet from the shore. I could see however, that just past this seaweed the water was as calm and smooth as ice. It looked very inviting so I made the choice to continue on. I was very apprehensive to jump in for fear of not knowing what lurked among or under the seaweed. I was determined not to turn back on the path so I put my feet in very slowly. Since I still had my running shoes on, the water rapidly filled them and pulled me in very suddenly. I was becoming tangled and trapped by all of the vines and leaves. I started swimming on my back trying to remain as close to the surface as I could. Each stroke was a challenge and it felt as if I were not moving. I did not give up and with much effort and time, I finally made it to the wide open lake. I was exhausted at that point. Looking out over the lake, I could not see the other side. It was simply miles and miles of water. I began to cry and felt so alone. I didn't have the courage or strength at that point to keep swimming. I felt had no other choice but to swim back through the seaweed to the shore. As I began to make the difficult and unpleasant swim back, I woke up. I felt very disappointed that in my dream I had decided to turn back. I wish I could return to that dream and make the choice to cross the lake. It would be interesting to find out what would have happened. Maybe I would have drown! Maybe a brand new sailboat would have come and rescued me? Maybe...

Trying to Be ME

- vs +

Pain
Fear
Doubt
Sadness
Resentment


Joy
Love
Hope
Confidence
Eagerness
Happiness
Peace
Passion
Freedom

Taking Flight

Life is Truly a Mystery

You just never know about life! Plain and simple. Things happen without you realizing that they are happening until it's too late! And then miraculous things happen and you wonder, "what in the world did I do to deserve such wonderful things!?" It's almost as if there really is some kind of "master" plan behind all of these mysteries. I've found something I didn't even realize was missing from my life. I found someone whom possesses all of the qualities in a person which I have always found respectable, admirable and genuine. I've found a very loving, intuitive, caring, intelligent, fun and beautiful friend. I wasn't looking. I didn't plan on any of this happening. I certainly didn't expect that my 15 year relationship would ever end. But it has and here I am! Open and willing to start completely over on a new journey or path in my life. Simply taking each day as it comes not really worrying about the future because I'm doubting that I really have that much control over what happens. It seems to work out better if I just sit back and enjoy the roller coaster ride!

Dreams Can Come True

Stepping Out into the Light

I used to firmly believe that any positive would outweigh the negative. Somehow along the way on my journey through this thing called life, I forgot this. I either totally stopped seeing the positives or discounted them. I gave up hope that my dreams were possible and brushed them aside. I feel like I was trapped in a dark, cold prison and almost lost sight of the bright light shining from the outside. But something changed me. Something woke me up. I realized that I was keeping myself in this unhappy and unhealthy prison. I also realized that I had the strength to break out of the walls and live outside among the brightness as I always desired. However, it's not a simple as breaking down the walls and immediately stepping out in the bright light. It's too blinding and overwhelming to do it all at once. I have to remove each brick one at a time and very slowly. I have to take little peeks outside until my eyes and skin adjust to the light. I have to be patient with the process. It took time getting used to the dark prison and it will take time adjusting to being out in the light. If I am patient and have faith, the positive light will lead me to my dreams!

Dual Polarity

I'm starting to accept the fact that I am truly closing a chapter in my life. It has been filled with many wonderful and difficult times. Although it is painful and I am sad, I am also very much looking forward to beginning a new chapter in my life. I feel it is time to move on and try something new! In a way, I am shedding my skin and my past as a snake sheds its' skin. I am a different person with different needs compared to the woman I was 5, 10 or 15 years ago. It's not easy to admit when there are things in your life which simply no longer work . Or no longer provide joy or love. It is truly hard to face your reality and acknowledge when you are unhappy. It is even harder to accept the fact that you must leave behind the past. But I'm finding out that if I want to find my inner peace and solace, I must take this new journey in my life. I must be brave and totally turn my world "upside down". I'm having faith that once the storm moves through, my rainbow will shine so brightly it will fill my heart and soul with happiness!

NOW

This very moment is all I have. It will help tremendously if during this difficult and painful situation, I can remember that. The past is gone. It has effected me and shaped me into who I am now. It has also led me to make this life changing decision. The past has also taught me what I want out of life. The future isn't here yet. So all of the worrying I'm doing now only causes more stress. Things will work out! I have faith in myself, those I love and I'm trying to have faith in a higher power.

I refuse nothing

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature… Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.

-Helen Keller

To Melissa:

Well, you've done it!!!! You took that risk, that chance, that giant leap out of the airplane with no parachute of your own. You faced your fear, saw your future and you are going for it. The wings are spreading and moving. Before long, they will be lifting you up off of the ground taking you higher and higher to places you never dreamed you would soar. I am so proud of the strength and courage you have possessed over the last several months and even years! It takes guts to give up something which has provided convenience for so many years.

I know you are scared and in pain, but it will pass. Patience and faith is key to your happiness now. Don't doubt your decision. Don't look back. You have just stepped off of that old worn dirt path which was going in circles. It's time to put on a brand new pair of hiking boots so you can climb that mountain to paradise!

Patience

It is so very hard for me to have patience at this point in my life. I've come to terms with what I've been feeling and why. I've accepted the harsh reality that I'm not in love with my husband anymore. And that I haven't been for some time now. I'm ready to start that new chapter in my life, however, it simply is not feasible. I must remain patient, positive and strong. I have to have hope and faith that everything will work out for the best. I'm holding on to the belief that the wonderful experience in which I endured over the new year holiday will be a daily part of my life in the future. If I believe and want it to happen, then it will!

Hope & Faith

I'm Free ( Jon Secada / Miguel A. Morejon )

Do you see what I see
A rainbow shining over us
In the middle of a hopeless storm
Sometimes I'm blinded by my feelings
And I can't see beyond my troubled mind
Afraid of what I'll find
The story of our lives
But there's tomorrow

Cause I'm free, I'm free
And things are only as important
As I want them to be
We'll have a breath of sunshine
When the rain goes away
I pray, I pray

Do you need a friend right now
In the road that you're going to
If you get lost just call me I'll be there
Yes I'll be right there
Cause though I may not have the answers
At least I know what I'm looking for

Yes I can do without sorrow
There's a day after tomorrow
So I'm leaving behind


I'm free, I'm free
Things are only as important
As I want them to be
We'll have a breath of sunshine
When the rain goes away
I pray, I pray

And if you want to share my dreams
Well all you have to do is say it, say it
Let me hear you loud and clear
Cause I need you if you wanna be, if you wanna be

Do you see what I see
A rainbow shining over us
In the middle of a hopeless storm
We'll be safe and warm